Full disclosure: This TV Addict has never watched (or plans to watch) an entire episode of JON & KATE PLUS 8. Seriously, it’s realty shows like this one that give television a bad name.

But since this reality TV train-wreck has become just that — an accident one can’t help but stop and stare at — this TV Addict, against my better judgement took a few moments this morning to read EW’s recap on last night’s fifth season premiere and watch the opening seven minutes of the show America cannot stop talking about (see above video)

What I saw were two visibly exhausted and very angry parents with Jon proclaiming that he, “did not sign up for public scrutiny” and Kate admitting that appearing on the cover of the tabloids ”kill her,” wondering if anyone ever thinks about the ”human on the cover’.’

Well Kate, we’ve got news for you. We do in fact think about the human on the cover. We just don’t like what we see. Which, to be more specific, is two parents willing to put the health and well being of their eight children on the back-burner for fifteen minutes of fame and the obligatory fortune that comes with it.

I mean do you seriously expect viewers to sympathize for what the paparazzi are putting you through? Because the bottom line is that you asked it for it, and now must deal with the consequences.

Consequences like these: TheTVaddict.com lending TLC a hand by taking it upon ourselves to design a few logos that they may wish to consider for the inevitable upcoming seasons of the show as the fate of Jon and Kate’s marriage plays out in the tabloids and, eventually, we suspect, the courtrooms.

First, after the inevitable separation and hammered-out visitation agreement:

When, following the divorce, the pair decide the fairest thing to do is divide their brood evenly:

And of course, as they each go pubic with their new insignificant others: